why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
