He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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