Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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