Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
