Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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