Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
