david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
