Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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