I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
