hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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