Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
