I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
