Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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