Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have fence marks all over my body
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
