I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
