did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
