people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
