You work out of a Hotel?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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