She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize