I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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