i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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