I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
