i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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