I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
