We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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