after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize