dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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