Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
