you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
