seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
