im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
