**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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