Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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