Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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