Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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