Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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