Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
