glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
