What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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