Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
