Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
