We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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