Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
