Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
