also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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