Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
