there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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