its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
