You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize