Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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