She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
