I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
