That's intense
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
