Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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