Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
