if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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