Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
