my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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