coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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