We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
