It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
