Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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