I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So. Much. Porn.
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