I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
