and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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