Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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